Sexual assault comes in many forms and looks different for a lot of people. As for my recent experience, I classify it as date rape.
In July of 2017, my relationship came to an end. I was madly in love with a man who had helped me find what was sexually liberating for me. My experience with him was great, nothing short of a learning experience. After this relationship ended, I was uncomfortable giving my body to other men. I knew that if I were to partake in sexual activities with others that it wouldn’t be because I wanted to do so with them, but because I missed the feeling. I decided to continue my sexual conquests with my now, ex-boyfriend. Continuing this pattern, we decided that these actions were emotionally unhealthy for the both of us.
In October of 2017, I decided to open myself up to dating. There was a guy who I had met two years ago at a party, for the sake of this story we’ll call him Jesse. When we met, we exchanged contact information but never followed through with connecting with one another. Jesse decided to begin messaging me saying that he no longer saw me posting my significant other on social media. I began to explain to him that I was no longer in a relationship. Following that discussion, we began having regular conversations, almost daily. Jesse doesn’t live in the same town as me so he offered to drive up one weekend in November to take me out on a date. I decided to take him up on his offer. Our first date went really well, we laughed, talked about what made us who we are today, and he explained that he used to be a bad person. We didn’t go into too much detail about what that looked like except that he had anger issues in the past. I thought nothing of this, as we all have things in our past that we may not be particularly proud of.
Later in November, Jesse decided to come visit and take me on another date. Living at home with my mom at the time, I decided I would drive to meet him wherever he was at so that I could avoid bringing any man to my mother’s home. Jesse and I decided together that we would go to a bar and have a few drinks. He got a hotel room and I parked my car there so that he could drive to the bar. Instead, Jesse invited two friends to go out with us. He drove his car to his friend’s apartment and from there we took an Uber to the bar. At his friend’s house we drank a little bit, all of us consuming small portions of alcohol out of one bottle so that none of us would drink too much before going out. I felt comfortable with Jesse until he had made the decision to bring his friend’s along for a night that was supposed to be a date night. That was one red flag to me. As soon as we got to the bar Jesse bought us all a shot and one drink. At this point I felt good, tipsy but not drunk. We walked around for a bit, talked about different things and sat down to have a conversation. When we found a seat, I asked Jesse to watch my drink as I ran to the restroom. We sat in a booth with only him, his friend’s and myself. Still feeling tipsy, I returned to the table to continue the night. I finished the drink I had been drinking for the 45 minutes we had been there. As soon as I finished my drink Jesse looked at me, then at his friend’s and asked if we were ready to leave. I thought it was still pretty early but I rolled with the punches. After this, all I remember was feeling light headed and getting in another Uber. I woke up in his hotel room, naked, with two empty condom wrappers lying on the night stand beside me as he was penetrating me from behind as if that were his way to wake me up and say “good morning.” Jesse then said to me, “you didn’t do anything last night when we had sex either, you just laid there.” Not knowing that we had, had sex I was terrified and confused.
After waking up to this encounter, I picked up my belongings and got dressed. I got out of that hotel room and jetted home to my bed. I then looked into my recent calls, snapchats, and text messages to see if I could piece anything together from the night before when I think I blacked out. Again, I was not drunk, only tipsy. I had contacted two of my best friends and my ex-boyfriend to let them know that I did not feel safe leaving the bar and sent them my location in case anything were to happen to me. I believe I was drugged and taken advantage of. Date rape is a real thing. Jesse did not have my consent to have sex with me. I had told my mom that I would be home that night, as I planned on having a few drinks and coming home. I never made it back home. At this point, I still did not feel comfortable with having sex with another man. I only have sex on my own terms. I felt completely stripped afterwards, I felt extremely vulnerable and ultimately, weak. I know that I would never go out on a date and get drunk because I am an observer, I have to be aware of my surroundings at all times and that night…I wasn’t. My mind was altered by something other than alcohol and in turn I was date raped by a man who thought it was okay..