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Some People Think…

Some people think that sexual assault is only when there is full on penetration but that is not the case. Sexual assault is when someone violates you as a human being and disrespects you as if you are an object that they own. I guess you can say I never really trusted men. I was always bullied as a child by guys and I decided right then and there I would always keep my guard up. In 2014 my family and I went on a family reunion and a 2nd cousin of mine kept groping me and slapping my ass, touching my boobs as if it was ok and keep trying to get me to sleep in his room. I felt so uncomfortable but didn’t know how to say something without ruining the trip my grandma worked so hard to plan for two years so I kept it to myself and told myself only 2 more days….fast forward to 3 years ago in April. I was a senior in high school. Me and a who I thought was a close friend were saying goodbye to our mutual best friend before she went on a vacation. Afterwards we decided to go back to my house, he followed me there and we turned on the TV just like any normal day. Except for this day was different, we were watching my favorite show at the time when he pulled me down next to him to cuddle. At first I was ok with it, I had feelings for him for like 3 years prior and we often cuddled up in bed to watch a movie as a group so I rolled with it. It wasn’t until he started to put his hand up my shirt that I became uncomfortable but by the grace of god my phone rang and that’s when I thought I was going to be able to flee the situation. So,when I went to get up after answering it he pulled me back down and wouldn’t let me get up so I sat there under his strong grip trying to get up while being on the phone. I said stop and tried to get up but then he proceeded to try to pull me down. He continued until he heard my dad pull in the driveway. He never stuck himself inside me but it still made me feel like I was worth nothing. Especially when he didn’t talk to me for like two weeks after that incident. Don’t ask me why I wanted him to talk to me but I wanted something, an apology or maybe a explanation on why he did what he did. I never did end up getting one but what he did give me was a level of anxiety and depression I didn’t know I had in me. What he did give me was a fear of guys. What he did give me is the inability to be touched without reliving the situation. Yes, this nervousness towards men has gotten better since then and I’ve learned to love myself a whole lot more but I’m most definitely not back to where I used to be. I for one am not one to hold grudges but I do believe that being civil with him has made it a little easier for me to heal because I do see him often due to mutual  friends and if I face him I know that I have required the strength to fight off any other guy because no one can take what he took from me ever again.

 

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