The Assault…

The assault happened pretty recently for me, the summer of 2017. I went to a small party with my close friend, it was being held at this guys house which she knew really well from high school. Everyone attending was apart of her small friend group from high school so to me that was an automatic comfort. It was a going away party for the host since he was going to play football for a private christian university in Kansas, there was some drinking as well as smoking and remained relatively small in the population of people showing up. For me I got along with many of the people there and just relaxed and hung out, I participated in the activities of smoking and drinking (lightly, I wasn’t completely smashed at all) once it got to be around 3am I got pretty tired and started to head upstairs to find a place to sleep. I returned to a room I was in previously that had two queen beds in it, I was hanging out with this one guy most of the night, just talking. He took one bed and I took the other, I remember being so cold and tired, finding a big warm blanket and passing out underneath it. I am not sure how much time went by, but I remember the host of the party waking me up by kissing my neck. I was pretty confused since I just woke up and I didn’t really want anything to happen let alone someone touching me. I just felt so out of it, being so tired as well as still slightly feeling the affects of the alcohol I drank earlier in the night. I remember thinking that if I kissed him back maybe he would stop trying to pursue me, obviously that didn’t work. He kept kissing me and then he started to feel my body, I remember questioning why he was touching me and just doing nothing about it, it’s as if I wasn’t present. He stuck his hand down my pants for a moment and started to finger me, then decided to feel up my breasts instead. While he was doing this he asked me if it was okay and I said “yes.” Now looking back, I’m not too sure why I even said yes because I knew the moment he laid his lips on me for the first time I wanted nothing to happen, but I just went along with it. It all started to escalate and he ended up taking off my pants and eating me out, I remember looking down and seeing a ring on his finger. I knew his parents were pastors and I asked him “Is this a purity ring?” and he said “no it’s a gift from my dad, and even if it was isn’t it a bit late for that.” After he was done he kept hinting at me giving him a blow job. I knew I didn’t want to do that, I kept responding with statements like “eh, I really don’t know” “what if you end up giving me an STD, I don’t really know you”. He kept pressuring me, he said “well I just risked that with you so you should return the favor” and kept pushing me to do it, until I did. That still wasn’t enough for him, he followed that up with asking to have sex. This is where I said no, it started off with me saying things like “uh I really don’t know you, if I knew you better I would say yes” and he kept trying to sweet talk me. He told me how beautiful I was and how it would be so enjoyable. I knew him and my friend also kind of had a thing so that was one more reason not to sleep with him and when I stated that he told me “she’s in the other room right now probably fucking one of my best friends so what does it matter” I kept telling him “no, I don’t want to have sex.” Things died down for a bit and I was still so unbelievably tired and started to pass out again, only to wake up to his man in-between my legs pushing the tip of his dick inside me. I remember just placing my right foot on his chest, with no pressure at all and just looking at him. He immediately pulled out and said “Sorry I figured I would try.” A feeling of pure sadness just engulfed my body and I tried to forget everything that happened in that moment, and I did. My body surpressed that memory for months, the trauma it brought to my emotions as well as the frustration to my mind is beyond me.  


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