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To the eight year old….

To the eight year old who found herself trapped in a dark and sensual prison.
To the eight year old who felt safe until the touch of a foreign finger grazed her lower back.
To the eight year old who felt paralyzed
To the eight year old whose heart raced out of complete fear for the first time
To the eight year old who also experienced a thrill through this new touch
To the eight year old who did not understand what this feeling meant
To the eight year old who felt shame
To the eight year old who no longer felt like an 8 year old

To the girl who knew something was wrong
To the girl who paced her room back and forth, searching for ways to cry for help to her mother
To the girl who had never had her own secret until then
To the girl who needed a friend
To the girl who lived with this terror of being caught and shamed for what happened
To the girl who became known as the “jumpy” one, the “scaredy cat”
To the girl who believed the police were out to arrest her for this unforgivable act
To the girl riddled with sexual dreams consisting of fear and torture

To the teenager who turned the entrapment by cause into an entrapment by choice and isolated herself emotionally
To the teenager who pushed this event as far from her mind as she could to remain sane
To the teenager who felt different and isolated from others because of what happened
To the teenager who desperately wanted love but was too afraid to touch
To the teenager who shrunk back from physical contact, from her mother’s hugs to her friends pats on the back
To the teenager crying of loneliness
To the teenager who turned her cheek against her first kiss
To the teenager who began to crave innocent touch but her heart beat too quickly for comfort

To the young woman…who began to explore these sexual feelings and allowed herself a true first kiss
To the young woman who observantly followed her partner’s lead for fear of messing up and revealing her true unexperienced body.
To the young woman who began to allow herself to revel in this newfound relationship with skin on skin
To the young woman who was reminded her of past when he asked her to bed.
To the young woman who brought her wall back and said no.
To the young woman who felt that disappointment from another.
To the young woman who now knew she needed to take a step back.
To the young woman who wanted true love this time, not just lust for the body.
To the woman I am today, who has found deep love within another who appreciates her on dual levels.
To the woman I am today, who tip-toed into the makings of love and after months of debate, took the plunge.
To the woman I am today, who confessed to her mother of the deep pain she had held within for so long.
To the woman I am today, who confides in her mother for all things now.
To the woman I am today, who communicates her hesitations to her partner and works together with him to create a safe space
To the woman I am today, who has grown like a tall sunflower as proud a worker bee at the end of the day.
To the woman I am today, who believed she was unlovable because of this thing, and has now found love in so many places.

To the woman I am today, I am beyond proud of you and you are more than what happened to you.

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